Why Your Cluttered Kitchen Counter Feels Like a Personal Attack (A Highly Sensitive Person's Guide)

"I love a broad margin to my life." — Henry David Thoreau

When I heard that quote for the first time, it made perfect sense and perfectly encapsulated an idea I had never quite been able to articulate. As a highly sensitive person, having space—physical, mental, and emotional—is essential for me. I do not thrive on chaos, adrenaline, or busyness.

Book with wide margins

So What Exactly Is a Highly Sensitive Person?

The term was coined by psychologist Elaine Aron, PhD, to describe individuals who experience stimuli more intensely. This can include stimuli like loud music or crowds of people. It can be emotions and thoughts as well. And it can even be clutter.

This makes sense when you consider that clutter can sneakily overload your brain. Even when you aren't consciously thinking about each item, your brain is taking it all in, which can leave you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and even anxious.

It can be difficult to describe what this feels like to someone who isn't experiencing the sensory overload. I once described looking at my cluttered kitchen counter as like it was "hurting my soul." I've also heard it described as like listening to your least favorite music at level 11 out of 10.

Music that is too loud

How Do You Know If You Are an HSP?

Not all HSPs are the same and may experience different levels of sensitivity to different stimuli. But some common experiences HSPs share include:

• Feeling drained by (or avoiding) crowds and busy spaces

• Feeling uncomfortable in places like arcades or loud, busy restaurants

• Feeling uneasy watching violence on TV or in movies

• Feeling emotions deeply—yours and others'—and sometimes feeling like you can't control them

  
  

If this resonates with you, know that you are not alone and you are not broken! Studies suggest that anywhere from 15-30% of the population are highly sensitive. Awareness and understanding of how you process your world goes a long way in supporting self-compassion and self-advocacy.

Creating Your Sanctuary

Calm relaxing room

First, understand that decluttering and creating a simpler space with less visual clutter can be incredibly helpful. Instead of walking into a room and feeling discomfort, you can walk in feeling calm and at peace.

But finding that sweet spot where you're thriving as an HSP doesn't happen overnight. And not in a day, a week, or even a month. It's often hard work, partly because most of us were never taught that our sensitivity was something to honor rather than overcome.

It starts with listening to your body. Your body will tell you when you're feeling anxious, unsettled, or overwhelmed. Listen to those signals and try to understand what's triggering them. Use that awareness as your guide for what to focus on first.

Remember, you have a choice. Just like you can choose not to watch violent movies or avoid noisy restaurants, you can choose what comes into your space and what needs to go out of it. Your sensitivity isn't a limitation; it's information that can help you make better choices for your wellbeing.

Setting boundaries around your stuff and your time is crucial to this process. Say no to more than you say yes to, and give yourself space in the day to relax, reflect, and recharge.

When you do tackle decluttering, use care not to get in over your head. Emptying an entire closet or cupboard might end up being too much, leaving you with a big mess and feeling even more overwhelmed. Start small, and you can always keep going if you feel up to it.

All this being said, it's still challenging. We live in a culture that makes this an uphill battle every day, being mindful about your belongings and space while constantly being told you need more, even when our HSP nervous systems are asking for less.

Give yourself permission to take it slow. Decluttering as an HSP is about creating a sanctuary that supports you. And that kind of transformation takes time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion.

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